The Red-Eye Report, Dec. 31

30 Dec

The Red-Eye Report’s Ultimate Party Planning Guide
By Joshua Blake

I have been known to throw quite the shindig in my time, so I figured with New Year’s on the way that I would pass on a few of my Zen-like party planning techniques.

I know what a lot of you are thinking: “Josh, it’s New Year’s Eve. No one cares what the party is like. They just want to have a good time.”

In that case, you have never been to a real party. Party throwing is an art all to itself. They can, as in my case, turn a total dork into a legend or turn the coolest person into an absolute flop.

I have worked at clubs in the past as a doorman and a DJ, so I know the tricks of the trade. So with this in mind I will divulge a few of my key tips that will make your party the hottest ticket in town.

1) The Guest List
The perfect mix is 60:40, women to men. Women give off a relaxed energy, while guys give off a more aggressive power. Also, don’t be afraid to mix worlds. Invite people a couple of degrees away from your core group. However, don’t go too far. Your punk friends probably won’t mix to well with your frat brothers.

2) Open Bar
As far as beer goes, make a cooler with can domestics. If you want to get the drinks cold quick and keep them that way, fill the cooler with water, ice and salt. The salt will lower the freezing point and your drinks will be at a perfect temperature in about seven minutes. As far as the hooch goes, keep it cheap. It’s OK to have some top shelf-stuff but no one should be pouring it in with Red Bull. Don’t forget a couple of bottles of bubbly for midnight. Martini and Rossi make a great asti champagne for around $15.

3) Show’em What You’re Working With
Party music has one purpose: Make the ladies dance. Once they get started, everyone else will follow. Get on iTunes now and download these songs. I use these to start all my parties:

“Aeroplane” by Red Hot Chili Peppers
“Name of the Game” by The Crystal Method
“Hero” by Cockfight Club
“Super Massive Black Hole” by Muse
“When Your Heart Stops Beating” by +44
“The Music Sounds Better With You” by Stardust

Keep a good beat. Don’t let some one who’s had one to many put on the Rod Stewart standards album. True story: I saw it happen at 11:45 p.m. three years ago on New Year’s Eve and the party died. Also, keep your Static-X and Lamb of God albums under lock and key for one night.

4) Be The World’s Best Host
Kill the lights. Party guest are like cockroaches: they scatter when the lights are on. The first rule of parties is that everything looks better in the dark. If you have no dimmers on your lights, simply yank the lights off the tree you used last week and string them up. Don’t use candles. Open flames are never good at a party unless you are throwing down on grandpa’s back 40.

5) Keep the Herd Together
Take any of your valuables and place them in a room that will remain off limits to everyone. Clean out a closet that can be used for jackets and purses. Push furniture items like coffee tables and ottomans up against the wall so folks won’t be tripping over them make room for mingling and Twister.

6) Sending Everyone Home
The best thing to do is what the clubs do: Kill the music and turn up the lights. Then start cleaning up. This lets people know the party is over.

Above all, be safe. If you are throwing a party, your guests are your responsibility. Call a cab, have a designated driver or take car keys from folks as they come in if you have to, just don’t let anyone drink and drive.

That’s all for this week. Send your party pics to me at theredeyereport@yahoo.com and you might be featured in next weeks Red-Eye Report. Have a great time and I’ll see you when the sun goes down.

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